Sexting

Mobile phones are an essential part of today’s living. We use them for almost everything and anything and that even includes 21st century foreplay: Sexting.

From sending erotic texts that would make E.L James blush to arousing pictures sent to make our partners heartbeat racing, sexting is now so popular that most of us have already participated in it.

Sexting is a great way to add spice to any relationship and a great method of discovering you and your partner’s fantasies.

Below I have written some tips on how to get started in sexting and how to keep safe.

What is sexting good for?

Sexting is a great way in spicing up a relationship. A sensual text or picture will set their heartbeat racing for the rest of the day, knowing what they are coming home too.

Sexting is also another great way of learning of your partner’s likes and fantasies, it can be difficult for the best of us to speak face to face about our kinks, sexting eases off the pressure and makes communication flow more easily.

How to get started

Everyone is different in communicating about sex. Some just lay it out on the table about their wants and needs and get straight in to talking dirty (me be that forward? Never) whilst others need more of a build up and tease beforehand.

What ever your method is, remember to be true to you. Don’t say anything that does not appeal to you, no matter how hot it sounds in writing.

  • Texts

Remember that detail is everything. Sending something such as ‘I want you to gently pinch my nipples, getting more and more firmer until I get goose bumps’ opposed to ‘I want you to pinch my nipples’ is more appealing and sets a better visual.

  • Images

Sending pictures is also a good way to tease. Sending a full vulva/penis shot can be very daunting and many people actually don’t like fully exposed pictures anyway. Instead send subtle yet erotic pictures, pictures like; the inner of you’re thighs, new lingerie laid out on a bed, sextoys, high heels or chest and biceps are a great way of teasing and will leave you’re partner wanting to see more.

Keeping safe

With sending erotic texts and especially pictures you are always exposing yourself to certain dangers. Unfortunately there will always be some people who will use this to exploit or shame others; fortunately there are ways to keeping yourself safe from this.

  • Trust

You should only ever send explicit images or texts of yourself to the ones that you trust. Never send pictures to someone you have just met or has been known to have shown pictures of past partners.

  • Only reveal what you want to reveal

Never send images that you are not comfortable with sending or feel pressured into sending. No one has the right to see certain photos of you, regardless of how long you have known each other or been together.

  • The law

It is now illegal in England and Wales to distribute private sexual images and videos of a person in a sexual act without their consent. Anyone found guilty of distributing such content online can be prosecuted under the revenge porn act and face up to 2 years imprisonment.

Sexting, regardless of how it can be mistreated by some is in general a great way of adding more excitement into a relationship and is loved by many.

So why not send your partner a cheeky and teasing text when they are at work and let them know of the orgasmic fun that waits for them when they get home.

Thank you for reading my blog 🙂

Love Vivienne Pleasure

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Guide to role play.

Role playing is my favourite sex game, for me, trying out new scenarios and roles not only offers me new experiences but opens up my sexuality to different levels and builds my confidence in exploring more.

To others role playing can be awkward, uncomfortable and damn well stupid. Role playing really is like marmite – you either love it or hate it! I just happen to be one who loves it.

So what is the secret in loving role play? And how can one enjoy playing a different role? Well I will tell you – just be you!

Yes that is right, what puts a lot of people of role play is the belief that they have to transform into a different person, you don’t. The only thing that role playing requires is you’re imagination.

So for example if you want to play cops or robbers; you don’t have to go out and buy the whole uniform (unless you want to) and neither do you have to know every law or how to unlock a door with just a hair pin, it is just play so try not to put much pressure on yourself with getting everything right. Another thing which most struggle with and I myself use to before I got into it was playing a different character. As stated above this does not mean you have to transform yourself into a new person and neither does you’re partner, just be you still. If you enjoy passionate sex then continue with passionate sex, if you enjoys using toys then continue using toys, role play is only the basis of the game, and everything else is your own imagination and likes.

Some roles to try

Here is a list of the most popular role playing roles to play and my personal favourites.

  • Landlord and Tenant

This role is my favourite and very easy to do, you don’t need any uniforms or props (unless you want to add some in) all you need is a room and you’re imagination.

Pretend you are a tenant and you can’t afford you’re months rent, you’re landlord will be visiting shortly and requires payment. You have two options, you can either leave? Or offer you’re landlord favours in return?

Or if you are playing the landlord you can offer your tenant an other option rather than payment, what favour you wish to receive from you’re tenant is both or yours choice.

  • Guest and hotel maid/butler

This role requires a bedroom if you like; uniforms or props will probably come in handy too.

Pretend you are a maid or butler to a hotel; you accidentally walk into one of the rooms where the guest is currently playing alone. Do you apologise and walk out? Or should you offer a helping hand?

  • Decorator and customer

This role requires no uniform or props.

You have hired a decorator to re do your place; after the work is done you can see that the decorator is covered in dust and paint so you offer them you’re shower/bath. Do they need assistance? Or maybe you are the decorator who asks the customer if they could help scrub you’re back?

  • Sex therapist and client

This role also requires no uniform or props but props such as sex toys could come in handy.

Pretend you are a sex therapist and you have a new client, they want to know the basics of good sex, should you show them? Or if you are the client, do you want a more hands on approach in how to please?

Remember that all these ideas above are adaptable, so you can add in as many new ideas or props as you like. There is no perfect way to follow a role playing game, it is all about imagination and as much fun as possible.

If you want to try out even more roles though how about this book: Sex games by Jo Hemmings which gives you loads or advice on role playing but also some great ideas too. Or the sexual role play game containing 60 cards of different scenarios to try out sold at Bondara.co.uk

Thank you for reading my blog

Love Vivienne Violet

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The female ejaculation.

Ah the female ejaculation, Myth or real?

It has been debated since the dawn of man; from men down the pub to the scientists in the lab. It seems that everyone has an opinion of it yet we are still quite clueless about this elusive phenomenon.

What wikipedia says?

‘Female ejaculation is the expulsion of fluid by the paraurethral ducts through and around the human female urethra during or before an orgasm. It is also known colloquially as squirting or gushing, [1] although these are considered to be different phenomena in some research publications.[2] The exact source and nature of the fluid continue to be a topic of debate among medical professionals, which is also related to doubts over the existence of the G-spot.’

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_ejaculation

But regardless of what we read and hear, the female ejaculation has only become more spoken about in the last decade or two by mainstream porn.

So what are my views on this elusive phenomenon? Is it just pee? Is it really possible to squirt? How does it feel? And can you make yourself squirt?

My view

I have always been curious about ‘squirting’ ever since I saw it in porn as a late teenager. I wanted to get in on the act, I wanted to be like those porn stars that drowned their co-star with it, and it looked incredibly good.

For many years I tried to make myself squirt but as it comes with no manual and medical professionals are still debating its existence I found myself getting nowhere with achieving this ‘elusive squirt’ so I eventually gave up. Defeated in my attempts and being a bad loser I accepted that squirting was not something I will ever be able to achieve and it was probably a big fake hoax made by porn.

Then it happened, a year after I threw in the towel, the dam finally opened! And to say I was shocked yet pleased is a big understatement.

How did I do it?

I honestly have no idea; I am still trying to work that out myself. I was lead to believe that squirting was only possible through G-spot penetration, so you can imagine my shock when my first squirting experience was from anal penetration and clitoral stimulation.

All I know was at the time I was very relaxed and aroused, I do believe that you need those two ingredients to achieve a female ejaculation.

Ever since then I have been able to squirt eight times out of ten, sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. I have mastered (unintentionally) to squirt from just anal penetration, vaginal penetration and clitoral stimulation. It is ironic how for so many years I pushed myself to squirt that I now am unable in stopping it!

I have no control whatsoever on my ejaculation, I have heard some women are able to control theirs though so I just hope that one day I will also be able to master this as I really need to save my sheets and towels just aren’t enough to protect them.

There are pros and cons to squirting; the pro’s being you feel like a porn star, I felt so proud of myself after my first squirt that I was smiling to myself for the rest of the day. It is also incredibly erotic to not only me but to others but with pros there are cons: I need to put down at least two to three towels on my bed, it soaks through so fast that I am terrified it will seep through my mattress and ruin it. I also have to be prepared; this takes the whole quickie appeal away. I once forgot to prepare with a partner and soaked the bed so much that I had to turn the mattress over and change all bedding before we could get some sleep.

Another downside is some people are just unprepared for it. When I told a new partner that I was able to squirt his face lit up like a Cheshire cat but when it happened he was truly shocked with how much of it there was. It got to the point where he was actually trying to dodge it! Unfortunately the more he tried to dodge the ‘bullet’ the louder I laughed which made my contractions powerful, which led to the squirt being more stronger (think of a fire fighters hose on full blast). It was like a scene from the fair ground where you knock down the plastic cards with a water pistol, his head was the plastic card and I was the one going home with the top prize.

Is it pee?

Nope, it is nothing like pee. Urine not only gives off a scent but has a faint colour to it, the female ejaculation is clear and has no scent whatsoever and does not stain any fabric or materials.

It also does not taste like pee (I have never tasted pee but I guess it doesn’t taste like ejaculation). The female ejaculation is very sweet tasting, kind of like pineapple flavouring, so unless you or you’re partner don’t like the taste of pineapples then you’re not likely heave or gag on it if a drop lands in you’re mouth.

How does it feel?

This is a tricky question as every woman is different. To some women it feels as though they are peeing whilst others don’t feel a thing, other women can feel it building up before it releases.

I can not feel it building up, nor does it feel like I am peeing. I am usually unaware of it until it happens.

How can I make myself squirt?

As female ejaculation is still being debated, it is very difficult to know how it comes about. Here are some common theories of how to achieve a female ejaculation:

  • Arousal

There is one theory that rings true to me and that is how aroused you are, speaking to other women who have also managed to squirt they all told me the same thing; they were highly aroused.

I do believe being aroused is one of the many ingredients to a female ejaculation.

  • Relaxed

Just like arousal it is also important to be relaxed with what is going on. The moment you are able to relax then your arousal level goes up and you become more comfortable with it. The two go hand in hand, so instead of worrying that you are not squirting yet or feel like you are going to pee, just go with it. The chances are very unlikely that you will accidentally pee in sex or masturbation.

  • G-spot stimulation

I personally do not believe that you can only squirt through G-spot penetration alone as I have managed to squirt from just clitoral stimulation. So have fun exploring your whole body rather than just focusing on the G-spot.

  • Drink plenty of water

Many women have told me that being hydrated is important in being able to squirt. I drink a lot of water anyway so I am not sure if this is true but it is always worth a try.

  • Healthy eating

Just like drinking water, eating you’re greens is also said to help in female ejaculation so now there is no excuse to leave the vegetables on you’re plate.

  • Pelvic floor muscles

The stronger muscles you have down there then the better you are able to contract them to push the squirt out. I have been doing my pelvic floor muscles for years so I am not sure if this is the answer to squirting but it does help once you do squirt in pushing it out in ‘force’.

Is squirting better than regular orgasms?

Honestly? No, I do not believe so. I actually squirt before I orgasm (normally a couple of seconds beforehand) and although in the right circumstances it seems more appealing and erotic it does not have any effect on my orgasms.

I have had some great orgasms when squirting and some lousy ones too, as I have also had amazing orgasms without squirting.

The female ejaculation doesn’t make an orgasm more powerful or better than a regular orgasm.

So whether you can squirt or are trying to, don’t let it become your main focus in sex. As great as squirting can be and how fun it is, it is not the end of the world if you weren’t able too.

Great sex is more psychological than how much ejaculation you can produce.

Thank you for reading

Love

Vivienne Violet

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Guide to Anal play

I will put my hands up and admit that I am a huge fan of anal play, not only does it significantly increase pleasure but with it being taboo it makes it so much more naughtier.

Yet to a beginner it can be an incredibly daunting experience to try and who can blame them for feeling like this? Being brought up with the notion that the anus is dirty and a no go area, it is understandable why many of us is/was so reluctant to try anal play. In my late teens I vowed I would never do anything that involves anal. The thought of it just grossed me out and I believed the only thing I would gain from it would be excruciating pain.

It wasn’t until my early twenties that I became comfortable with the idea of anal play, by then it was becoming more popular and more advice was giving on the practice than ever before. There are many ways to get started in anal play; some people prefer just to go straight into it with a partner whilst others like to explore themselves first.

Lubricant

Lubricant is a must for anal play; unlike the vagina the anus doesn’t create hardly as much lubrication so it needs a lot of it for you to have a comfortable experience. You may see in porn films that they only use saliva, this however is not true and most porn stars are lubricated beforehand.

There are many types of lubricants on the market for anal play: Lubricants designed for anal are usually silicone based and have a much thicker consistency than others. Water based lubricants are also good for anal play but tend to dry out much more faster than silicone so you will regularly have to add more. Flavored lubricants, heated lubricants and tingly lubricants can cause irritation so they are definitely a no go in that department.

Fingers v toys

Whether you use fingers or a toys is your own choice, I personally went for toys first but fingers are just as good. Before you insert make sure that your toys or fingers are clean and lubricated. There are many beginner toys on the market now for anal play and they come in all different shapes, sizes and materials but remember that jelly and rubber materials are more porous so you may need to put a condom on it. After use, always wash your toy with warm/hot water and a sex toy cleaner. It is also a good idea to never share your anal toys or use them for vaginal insertions.

Men can also get in the act of anal play too, with many toys now designed to stimulate the prostate gland.

Rimming

You either love it or hate it but rimming is when you lick around the anus. This can be quite daunting to most and it is understandable why. If you are curious about rimming (either receiving or giving) but nervous then preparation is key. Washing yourself before the act can make you feel more comfortable and confident with it. Others douche before any rimming or anal play. Douches are great if you like to feel clean inside but be aware that it is not healthy to douche everyday as it can damage your anus’s own naturally lubrication.

Relax

One of the most important things to do in anal play is to relax. If you are tensed up then your anus will be tense too, making it harder to insert you’re toy/finger but can also cause discomfort and possible damage in anal play. I found that masturbating first helped me a lot to de-tense plus using plenty of lubrication.

Rome wasn’t built in a day

Some people can go straight into anal play with no discomfort whilst others like me needed more time. Don’t be discouraged if you was unable to fully insert anything into you’re anus, with more practice it really does become easier J .

If at any point you do feel discomfort or pain then stop immediately, this is a sign that you’re anus can’t cope with the adjustments just yet. When removing your finger or toy always remove it slowly, as pulling it out quickly could not only be painful but cause some damage.

Thank you for reading my blog 🙂

Love Vivienne Violet

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The sexy outdoors

Sex outdoors is probably one of the most common fantasies we all share and who can blame us? I don’t know whether it’s the fresh air, feeling the sun on our bodies or going back to basics but sex outside is not only fabulous but highly erotic and with the risk of getting caught it just adds to the excitement.

So with summer finally here should we be having some fun in the sun? My answer is yes so I have written some useful tips to help you get started.

Location

It is always a good idea to know you’re location beforehand; this will not only help you in not getting lost but to also know how regularly the location is used by the public or if it is overlooked.

Once you know you’re area and surroundings find a nice secluded spot for where you plan to have sex. Woodlands are great for offering cover but be aware that some woodlands like fields are privately owned, if this is the case then I’d suggest staying away from those places as you don’t want to be met with an angry resident (this happened to a friend of mine who was disrupted by an angry farmer).

Preparation

For outside sex it is best to wear some quick slip on clothes, you need to be able to cover yourself quickly incase you get disrupted, so put down those skinny jeans and say hello to the maxi dress.

Bringing a blanket is also a good idea, not only will it save your clothes from getting dirty but will make the experience much more comfortable and let’s face it, there really is nothing more of a turn off than having ants and other insects crawling around your naked skin.

Time and day

If you are planning some night time fun then it is advisable that you do check over your location first, not only is it easier to get lost at night but that pleasant and peaceful area you saw during the day could be something completely different at night.

If you are going during the day then try and stay away from public footpaths or busy locations, it is against the law to have sex in public view so keep hidden and go at times when it is the quietest.

I have had sex in quite a few places; car park, public restroom, field, construction site, lorry (yes you heard correct a lorry but that is a different post all together) but woodlands are by far my favorite place for some discreet fun.

It is of course understandable that we do just get carried away in the heat of the moment, I have plenty of times but when planning to have sex outside I always do the above first. Don’t be put off if you have never had sex outdoors though. Sex outside can be refreshing and incredibly exciting which can leave you not only giggling about it for weeks to come but leave you wanting more.

So let’s make the most of this summer and go for some kinky exploring, just remember that if you are using a condom to dispose of it in a bin rather than leaving there, we don’t want to hurt the wildlife.

Thank you for reading my blog 🙂

Love Vivienne Violet

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Friends with benefits

We have all heard of the term friends with benefits (FWB) and if you haven’t then the term basically means: a friend(s) who you have casual sex with but nothing else, no dates, no commitment, just good old sex.

It wasn’t until recently that friends with benefits became main stream in our culture with movies such as no strings attached, friends with benefits and the TV series SATC. Now it seems that everybody has to have a friend with benefits, lets face it sometimes sex toys really aren’t enough and I will put my hand up and admit that I have also had a friend with benefits…Ok I lie I’ve had three but with having friends with benefits I discovered that it wasn’t always as simple as it seems.

FWB 1: For the first 3 years of our friendship we were having no strings attached sex, this was my first ever FWB and we were incredibly lucky that it went well. Not only did we have amazing sex and experimented a lot but as friends we grew closer and I soon trusted him with everything as he did with me. For the past 4 years we have been solely just friends, if anything we now class ourselves as best friends.

FWB 2: Unfortunately this FWB wasn’t long lived, a couple of months to say the least. We had good sex and a lot of fun together but apart from that there really wasn’t anything between us and as horrible as this may sound I don’t miss him nor the sex but I’m pretty sure that his feelings are also mutual.

FWB 3: I really liked FWB 3, we was polar opposite yet so alike. We grew a really strong bond together and like FWB 1 we became more friends than sex. Unfortunately though he had to move away and our friendship soon sizzled along with the sex.

There are many pros and cons in friends with benefits, as much as I can praise the arrangement I can also fault it. A friend with benefits is like any other friendship/relationship; it is a unique individual experience. It can go incredibly well yet it can also go terribly wrong. There is no safe way of not getting hurt in these arrangements, emotions are a powerful thing and as appealing as it is to begin with it can also be difficult to accept when you become attached.

The one thing I have learnt from having friends with benefits is to always go in with you’re eyes wide open, never expect a relationship to form out of this – although relationships can happen as a result, on whole the majority don’t.

Pro’s of FWB

  • No strings attached sex: you don’t have to worry about the whole commitment part of the relationship.
  • Experimenting: It is so much easier to experiment with a friend with benefits compared to other relationships, relationships take time to build not only in sex but in other areas, a friend with benefits is solely there for the sex – no need to work on much else but the trust and communication in that department
  • Convenience: It’s great when your friend with benefits lives near you, just one call and they will be at your door within 10 minutes

Con’s of FWB

  • Emotions: Unfortunately there is no on/off button for emotions, that’s what makes us human and they normally are the end to most friends with benefits relationships.
  • STD’S: One thing about friends with benefits is that they normally fall under an open relationship, let’s face it you can’t tell your friend not to sleep with others – that would come under a relationship not casual sex. You always have to protect yourself and your friend in this arrangement.
  • Relationships: It can be difficult in new relationships after having a friend with benefits, for one you or your friend may become jealous of the new relationship and secondly even if you both ended the arrangement amicably your current new partners may not be impressed that you still stay in contact.

Love Vivienne Violet

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Talk dirty to me…

Some people love it, others hate it. Dirty talk to some is more difficult to muster than sex positions designed for gymnasts. So what makes dirty talk so difficult? Well for me it was confidence, at the time when I was a beginner I had no idea what I wanted or enjoyed in sex, how could I have possibly told a man what to do to me when I didn’t know what I wanted? Surely by me talking dirty it would have only attracted more attention to myself and would have made him realize that I was truly clueless?!

It wasn’t until I became confident in not only my sexuality but who I was as a person that I was able to say it. The more I learnt about myself and came to accepting who I was, was when I let my inhibitions go.

Confidence is the key to anything in life and that also includes dirty talk. Knowing and accepting your own sexual preferences will help you vocalize yourself – you should never copy what you hear porn stars say if you don’t like it, I have known many women who have told their partners to ‘fuck them hard’ even though they didn’t enjoy it or it hurt them, they only said it because that’s what they thought their partners wanted to hear. Remember you’re partner doesn’t want to hear what a porn star likes; he only wants to hear what you like.

So what should you say in dirty talk? Well for me there are 3 different types of dirty talk, there is; G rated, X rated and XXX rated. Some people like G rated dirty talk and nothing else whilst others like doing all three; there is nothing wrong with either choice.

Examples;

G rated – ‘Does that feel good?’ ‘You feel so good inside me’ ‘you turn me on so much’

X rated – ‘Fuck me harder, softer, more’ ‘can you feel how wet I am’ ‘I want to come all over your cock’ ‘your cock feels so hard’

XXX rated – ‘Fuck me like a bitch’ ‘pound this pussy harder’ ‘fuck me you bastard’

XXX rated dirty talk is not for all people, it is more crass and abrupt, so if you’re not comfortable with it then stay away from using it. You should only say what you are feeling and be sure to remember to mention the sexiest thing of all to him: His name.

Love Vivienne Violet

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